SoulSpeak

I shared with you that when I first started blogging I was writing from prompts and thoughts from musings that dated back several years. Well today while piddling around in my office, I found another slip of paper with thoughts from a while ago. It took me a minute to begin to understand what I was trying to understand, so now I’m going to share it with you.

5/30/2016

C-Comparative + C-Competitive + C- Contrary = Resistance

‘Whenever I engage or experience an opportunity to enlarge my territory, my understanding of I Am, of Self, these characters or characteristics appear from behind the veil. If I, as I lose consciousness, they take me completely off focus. I resist the Divine…’

As I looked at my notes I had an asterisk for The Prayer of Jabez, which was a popular book and Bible study topic. The book is written by Bruce Wilkinson and was published in 2000. The prayer of Jabez is recorded in 1 Chronicles 4:10, where he calls upon the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! The focus of the book was on prosperity and what is interesting is how long the influence of a program is. I mean I did this work when I was extremely active in my Unity church, more than 20 years ago!

What is interesting is that resistance continues to be a self-imposed obstacle. It kicks in whenever I’m presented with the concept of ‘getting out of my comfort zone’. It seems no matter the prayer (thought) I create some resistance to the potential forward motion, forward progress. It amazes me how I continue to compare myself to other people. I seem to be committed and addicted to being inferior at some level, no matter how small. I find this fascinating and fatiguing. When I find myself being competitive, if only in my mind, now I stop and consider where and why am I underachieving or being lazy. And finally, there’s being contrary. This may hide as if playing ‘Devil’s Advocate’, but really its just more self-deprecation and resistance to stepping into my truth.

As can be found in the 3 C’s of addiction, compulsion, consequences and loss of control, I continue to evolve in my self acceptance. I’m seeing that my conditioned behaviors are difficult to adjust. It is humbling to see that behaviors I’m addressing now, have been in play for more time than I want to recognize. Yet within this is also an opportunity to celebrate the growth and evolution that has occurred within my personality which allows for greater alignment within my soul and spiritual self-expression.

So I guess that’s the point of this conversation. I may be still bumping up against resistance in all its characterizations, yet I am improving and creating a life that brings me joy. I trust you are doing the same.

Peace