Greetings and Welcome!
Just to refresh your mind and for any new readers, I write these based on sticky notes or memos or envelopes that I have written some thought or feeling about at any point in time in these past years. I then give my present day insight on what was an epiphany from before. I’m finding this to be quite enlightening and enjoyable. Just seeing myself and my growth or expansion of perspective is affirming and fun. I hope you get something from this as well. So here we go!
“Divine Order is not for your comfort or your pleasure. Its not even for your understanding, approval or acceptance. Divine Order requires our surrender and our wisdom. Wisdom leads to understanding and spiritual understanding supports your development. Divine Order as an affirmation is spoken to bring alignment and atonement; at-one-ment”.
Chaos then Order. Order is the first law of the universe/multiverse. Sometimes learning and then discerning the order of things takes more time than imagined but the chaos of all possibilities and potentialities must come into an order in order to take form and become available for use. This past month I was affirming 6 statements in increasing order daily to support the growth of my consciousness. My first affirmation was ‘I surrender to Divine Will and manifest Divine Order in all my affairs.’ Everyday as I made this statement I would feel something inside. My mind and my body would have some response or reaction to this statement. Sometimes subtle, sometimes more pronounced. The times I remember the best are when I would meet resistance; when I would momentarily forget what my affirmation was. This was like my self pushing back on my self. During this time I had an interesting realization. I was in a restorative Yoga class and I felt me fighting with myself. I was fighting with me to do every pose ‘correctly’ and to hold it longer than anyone in the class. I recognized how I was pulling and pushing myself out of Divine Order for myself. Wow! In a Yoga class! I guess I’m glad some mindfulness prevailed. Along with this came the recognition that it is easy to say Divine Order when things or events are working in a way that pleases or benefits me/us. But what about the unpleasant, the unplanned, the chaotic or disruptive event or activity. Do I/we see or feel its Divine Order?
Yesterday was a day of self doubt and self flagellation. I imagine these times as when I have taken a cat-of-nine-tails and flailed myself for some perceived failure, lack or laziness. Today I recognized that not only was that activity misplaced it was incorrect. Everything is still in Divine Order and I am moving in a way that benefits me and my community. What a difference a day makes, along with some support from friends who see things differently and some sleep and prayer and meditation. I also included a New Moon bath. All of this to say, remember to take a breath, give yourself some grace and seek some time with the natural frequencies and entities. As someone said a long time ago, all things are working together for your good.
Peace & Blessings
Well, I shared with you that I would use things I had previously written on memo pads or post-it notes or even notebook pages over many years as the basis for my posts. My purpose is to record my thoughts and musings on any number of subjects but they all would be under the over-arching canopy of personal development and spiritual growth and awareness. I didn’t list it in my about section but I am ABD for an EdD in Pastoral Counseling.
In 2008 I was feeling anxious about my life and feeling unfulfilled and bored. I had studied and taken classes at ‘The Village’, the Association of Unity Churches headquarters while also studying within my home church or center as it was called. I wondered in what direction should I grow myself. Ministry, teaching, counseling? No clear answer presented itself. When I discovered the Pastoral Counseling program I felt that this was a great fit for my vision of a retreat center. I knew that I wanted to support people to live the life they wanted and I knew that changing your beliefs and perspectives required a safe place. Fast forward through many spiritual experiences, I was reminded that I enjoyed the perspectives of many disciplines to give me direction or support my next steps. Hence some background on this next entry.
7/12/2022 North Node Stuff
In case you don’t know this is an astrological placement and I had been avoiding it for about 4 years. Here are the questions that presented themselves.
- 1. What are my visions and goals for my future?
- 2. What am I working/moving toward?
- 3. What goals will expand me personally?
- 4. How am I paying attention to myself? Giving myself credit for the improvements I’ve made and am making?
- 5. Am I taking full responsibility for myself? My life?
- 6. What will truly fulfill my heart and soul?
Well, I realized that I have made some progress and improvements personally. I give myself credit for the improvements I’ve made in beliefs and behaviors. I still have work to do with my self esteem and self value. I am taking more honest responsibility for myself and really catching myself when I’m playing victim. That’s always a bit unpleasant. The business of personal goals and what I’m moving toward seems to be a moving target but there are times I feel closer and more confident I am moving in the direction of my souls’ desire and vision. What I do realize is that what truly fills my heart and soul are loving relationships with my sons and family members and friends and making music and creating and being surrounded by beauty.
I hope these questions can be useful for you as you continue to discover what makes life and living good for you.
Peace & Blessings,
I shared that I would be using things I have written before on the many different post-it notes, etc… to begin many of my conversations. Well today’s note comes from 3/24/2022. I had to look at it twice because I was confused. We haven’t gotten there yet. I know I have strange dreams but I couldn’t be writing this from my future, could I? Nope, not so lucky.
Here goes: ” Today as I write this I am receiving my first conscious clear insight into my learned conditioned feeling and perception of my inferiority. I perceive and feel as though any and ever one is better or superior to me. This is sobering and difficult. It makes sense that I feel angry all the time. It makes sense that I create or allow the obstacles that appear before me every time I begin to grow into my True Self. It’s enlightening that at many levels, no matter what is said to me, or what I accomplish, I feel that ‘it doesn’t matter’, because some one else is still better at it than me. Sister, brother, son, friend. Even enemies. This is debilitating and the cancer in my life. How do I remove this soul consuming disease? This self destroying, self replicating virus, infection? This cure is necessary for my survival and prosperity.”
Wow… just reading and typing this out without edit is mind-blowing. First of all, I called this mental parasite, this state of mental disease a cancer in my life. In June 2022 I received a diagnosis of a breast cancer! I was telling myself, warning myself, about this disease within and I am just now seeing this. I wrote this to myself, about myself. You know what? Talk to yourself and listen attentively because your words are informing both you and your body. As within, so without. If you are not talking and listening to your self, the only other expert in the Cosmos on you, you are creating an unnecessary obstacle to be overcome. Wow. This happened in real time folks. I’m still reeling from my own words.
Here I am/ we are almost a year later and there have been significant changes in small ways for me. My diet and eating habits have changed. I removed sugar in every form I could from my diet. I worked with a Theta Healer to address my beliefs about myself and my worthiness. And I started listening to some very different teachers. Doctah B Sirius, Dr. Phil Valentine, Rod Hayes, and Billy Carson to name a few. This is how spirit works though. Quiet and behind the scenes. Take some time to talk to your self; ask your self the questions you are having trouble with and then listen and read between the lines for an answer.
Thanks for listening and sharing.
After almost 6 years of paying for this platform, I am finally ready to use it, I think. I have often been overwhelmed with all sorts of creative ideas and projects. And then I wear myself out, overwhelm myself with possibilities and succumb to fear and perfectionism. So in essence, I get nothing on paper and no forward motion. And no one gets to join me in this adventure on Planet Earth. In many ways I will be sharing with you ‘the world according to Philana’ or maybe more correctly it is “Philana’s Adventures on Earth”.
My experience with writing and talking is complex, yet simple. I’d rather talk than write. But I also write down things that come to me as it relates to my life and experiences as well as prose and even a short story or two. My focus and topics are always related to personal development and spiritual growth. My friend Octavia has told me for over 30 years that it doesn’t matter how many people are talking about these same topics, my approach, insights and suggestions are valuable and needed. So starting today and for the next year I plan to share my thoughts and experiences that will span those many years. I’ll be learning as I go how to best use this platform and others that are making themselves known to me. I will be sharing thoughts written on slips of paper that need to be placed in a more permanent home. And I will reflect on these thoughts from the past from my current point of view. I’ll ask questions and wax philosophical because I really love to teach, learn, grow and have adventures.