Message to Me

As per my objectives, this week’s message and reflections come from a note I wrote titled ‘Message to me’ and dated 6/5/2021. So here goes:

“Remember to look for the doors. Remember to look for the portals, the ways into the magical places I belong. Remember to stay focused and pay attention. Trust yourself to make sure you are okay. Not others. Remember, the way has been made for me to survive and thrive. Remember to look for the doors.”

When my son took the picture above I was fascinated with the snake. Big ass Garter snake; garden snake. Hidden in the overgrown bush/tree that had to be removed. Beautiful and creepy at the same time.

When I found this note, I was cleaning and sorting through a bunch of memo notes and envelopes that I had written passwords and websites and topics for research on. This sorting is tedious and wealth producing. I have a wealth of ideas and information waiting for me to recover it and give it time and attention. In the business/busyness of daily living the message returned quietly and clearly; remember to look for the openings that are still waiting for you and I. Remember to believe in the magical places awaiting you. Remember, you created them when you were dreaming and drawing and talking to your ‘imaginary’ playmates. We have been creating and responding to our magical places since birth. Much like watching a baby coo and smile and talk to the light of the lamp while you are feeding them, the magical realms, the frequencies and angelic choruses have been calling us, speaking with us, feeding our souls from before birth. As master creators in training, we have visions and palaces and adventures we imagined and prepared for ourselves in the many dimensions, many mansions of the multi-verse and they await our attentions and energy to bring them as we brought ourselves into this 3-D place. We gave ourselves this mission and we alone test ourselves along the way. It’s ours to complete and enjoy and our success is assured.

Now there are many shadows and potholes and disagreeable people and circumstances also appearing. I have, maybe you have to, been struggling a bit lately feeling like there is no real good way through. Then I find a message from the natural world, this week it was the buzzard, the vulture. She, (it felt like a she) circled over my head as I stood in the driveway. Never flapping her wings, in perfect concentric circles. And then, she reversed herself. Clockwise became counter-clockwise. I felt great joy watching her watch me and whatever else was on her mind. I thanked her and later looked up some metaphysical meanings for vulture. Animal Speak by Ted Andrews is an amazing reference and resource book. Such a mystical bird. It’s so easy to love butterflies and rainbows but we miss the deeper messages possible from the caterpillar, hurricane or vulture. Paraphrasing Ted Andrews about the vulture, he said :”In alchemy, the vulture was a symbol of sublimation…a promise that the suffering of the immediate was temporary and necessary for a higher purpose was at work…”

So as this week comes to a close, it is appropriate I find this message to myself and I share it with you…Remember to look for the doors…the portals…into the magical places you and I belong.

Peace & Blessings,



Greetings Fellow Travelers!

Today I am deviating from the format I established concerning what I would write about. I kept looking for an old memo, and trust me there’s a pile of them. However I kept getting this urge to share some things I wrote for myself this week. These are some of my daily affirmations. I use inspirational literature, like the Daily Word, a Unity publication and I use a book, ‘A Year without Fear’ by Tama Kieves and then I use 3 or 4 oracle decks. I pull a card and use the message to further enhance my perspective and perceptions for the day. There is always also some form of astrology and other systems depending on the day and mood. The statements I am sharing today came as a result of the readings I got from this deck:

I choose a card for the week and two cards per day. I realized as I kept reviewing the affirmations I had given myself for this week, along with some conversations I had with friends that the topic, processes and activities related to self-care were the message to be contemplated and shared this week. The major question and thing to be contemplated is how are you taking care of yourself? Is your self-care practice based in the habitual patterns of behavior you want to release or at least modify? Additionally, is your self-care routine based in the information and examples that have been given to you from a patriarchal, capitalist framework? Like retail therapy? Eating food or drinking substances that are not life giving to your body and spirit? Are you searching outside of yourself to provide your self-care? Are you spending money? As I’ve shared, the cancer experience I had brought self-care to my attention and I find myself still unlearning habitual behaviors and thinking and sitting with myself to uncover what really takes care of me. So here are some of my thoughts:

I stay in my power and fill myself with joy and peace. I give grace to all I meet.

I allow the wisdom of the ages to flow through me. I’m following my instincts and intuitions.

I give myself grace and joy as I free myself to be me. I continue to attend to myself and my soul expressions. I am cared for and protected across time, space and dimensions.

I focus on what’s important for me and seek clarity to achieve and create this. I create the tapestry of life that wraps me in joy and beauty.

And the most meaningful statement, the one that demanded to be shared this week: Self-sacrifice is unnecessary and burdensome. It’s a lie. No one needs your sacrifice. Everyone wants your unconditional acceptance.

My desire for myself and for you is that you give and receive Unconditional Positive Self Acceptance and Self Regard.

Peace and Blessings,



Greetings all!

I have a passion for taking pictures of certain things or from certain perspectives. Shadows are one. I often take my shadow picture. It feels like that’s how I know I’m in 3D, how I have a physical presence. Another one is trees. I look for the faces in the trees. I look for the roots. I look for the hollow places which are entrances for the inner or other worlds. This is one of my tree pictures that the face or at least one of them is pretty obvious to me. What was surprising is that the homeowner had never really looked at or seen the faces. It reminds me how easily we are unconscious or unaware of all the expressions of creation.

Today’s reflection comes from a note I wrote November 22, 2021. There I go with these dusty notes on my work table. And now they are being seen, reviewed and released. This sounds and feels so much like what is happening across the Earth and humanity currently. So here goes:

“Cruelty is weakness. Self-cruelty, animal cruelty, torture. All of this and more. This is blasphemy. This is sin. This is profane. This is taking the name or nature of God, The Lord, the Law, in vain. This is placing Gods before the the Source, God. Idol Worship.”

Wow… That’s how I felt when I found this and read it. Wow. What was on my mind at that time I wonder? What happened almost two years ago that had me responding and reacting this way. As always these notes I made intrigue me. When I assess my state of mind now I am intrigued on my use of certain terms. God…Gods… I know that how I was feeling and defining this term alone has shifted dramatically in just the past few months let alone how I meant it back then… Back then, like that was so terribly long ago. I’m writing this in a daze of wonder on how much each of us can and has shifted in these past few years. If you have resisted the changes, I imagine you are enduring anxiety and depression that’s leaving you exhausted and fearful. If you have embraced, even a little, the changes and shifts, I imagine you are experiencing some anxiety and depression, however, it fades away as you remember to enjoy life and living. I do a little of both.

What I ask you to focus on this time is how do some of these words leave you feeling? God? Gods? Idol Worship? and the big one, Blasphemy?

If you were like so many of us, the prevailing religious training of the day gives you one paradigm within which you define and understand these terms. What if you could expand that and see these elements, energies, words, as the operate in your daily living. What is your nature? This is always in development, in cycles, like the natural world seasons. And even if you know this is Spring, Summer is next, followed by Autumn and Winter, none of these seasons will be this year like they were last year or as they will be in the coming years. Yet we expect them to fit within our learned paradigms so we can continue to live unconcsciously or semi-conscious at best. When something or someone is not fitting into your paradigms our learned response is often fear-based, which means we have a greater chance of being or becoming cruel. Cruelty is often learned as well. It’s so easy to say children are cruel but i venture to say children, like adults, give what they got. Children are cruel because the adults in their lives are cruel and we know they these adults are often just reproducing the patterns they caught, were taught. So, I can take some more time to look at this behavior, cruel. Many times as children or even as adults we define discipline as being cruel. Yet discipline is what occurs at every level of the physical world. Gravity, disciplines us. Inertia disciplines us. Chemistry disciplines us. Each of these sciences reminds us of what we can and cannot do as well as what the results will be of our actions. So learning and being disciplined allows for greater positive outcomes. It seems generally.

Well, I feel another rabbit hole opening so I’m going to stop now. My thoughts remain that when we are cruel with ourselves, or any other living organism, there is fear at the base of it. Fear; False Evidence Appearing Real. The presence of fear indicates the absence of love; the absence of faith. When you find yourself feeling cruel or being cruel and unnecessarily harsh to yourself or others, look for what is causing you to be afraid and bring it to your inner faith and love space. It’s there. You still have it. Just sit for a bit and let it show itself again.

Peace & Blessings,


What’s Happening?

Shelter Gardens in Columbia MO.

Hello and Greetings!

I continue to work at keeping the schedule I gave myself for posting, sharing my thoughts and insights. I appreciate each person who has taken any time to read what is getting my attention now as well as in days past. I will also share pictures taken on my personal retreat walks and encourage you to contact me if you are interested in scheduling a custom retreat walk with me designed to meet your needs.

Today’s note comes from sometime in November 2021. I know this because I found it sandwiched in between sheets that had dates on them. Per my rule, if I picked it, then I must use it, even if I don’t quite get what got my attention in the first place. So here goes:

He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free. Luke 4:18.

My thought… “It was always an inside job.”

Now for you purists I have probably not done the biblical quotation correctly. I imagine I was reading ‘The Daily Word’, a Unity publication I have been using as a daily devotional reading for over 20 years. While my viewpoints are evolving I still find this inspirational reading source useful. Now as I contemplate this I am reflecting on the Hybrid Solar Eclipse that just occurred as well as a New Moon. So much revealing and revelations pushing on the new creations waiting to be planted, nurtured and brought forth into our developing brave new world. If we cooperate. If we find our courage and our patience to support the divine order of life for ourselves and our global family.

The light of an eclipse highlights or defines, makes you look at what is at the heart or center of things. It feels like with all you gain from the light of the sun, the source, you, we, have to see that there is a center, a core that must be recognized. With all the astrological and cosmic movements it feels like I and maybe you as well are being held in a place to strongly encourage us to keep working on the inner self, connecting it consciously with love to our highest self, our eternal and divine self. So much of life, especially in America keeps you moving so much and wanting so much that you often give your time away to what’s new and more when really your heart and spirit want you to slow down, pause and really see and feel what is happening now. With you and your self. There is nothing selfish or inappropriately self-centered with taking time to learn and grow within. It is ultimately an act of selfless service maybe even the basis for servant leadership and stewardship. To love thy neighbor as thyself, as you have heard, requires self love. Self love begins with self talk, self time, self-acceptance and self growth. There is no value in doing and believing what you were taught by your parents, teachers, preachers, doctors, spouses, friends, just because they taught you that. The real value you give and gain is when you take those teachings and examine and discern them and their value for you, your life, yourself. If you keep them, great. If you grow them, great. If you discard them, great. All of this is done from a place of gratitude for the teachings, gifts, that were given. So the greatest gift to ourselves and our beloved communities is self development. From this, we all benefit and a new world grows. It’s all an inside job.

Peace & Blessings,



This was taken on a trip to Hawaii a few years ago. This trip was another step in my spiritual growth. It wasn’t the first time I’d been to Hawaii, ‘The Big Island’. Many years ago I was with my family and we journeyed there staying near Volcanoes National Park. Things have grown and changed since then. I have been blessed to live and learn from Hawaii and her many island people.

As I shared in the beginning I find a note or memo I left myself at some point in time and while clearing up my clutter, I share my present day thoughts around the thoughts I shared with myself previously. This one I’m sharing had no date but it’s at least a year old (tells you something about my work table). The title is Christianity-Love.

“How often does your minister teach and preach on love?” “On any given Sunday, how many Christians are grounded in the commandments from Jesus on love and forgiveness?” “If you are wondering why your life is not working, check your I Am statements.”

This rumination began because I am subject to Mom’s Christian TV watching and I began to wonder how often did those preachers, ministers really speak to and encourage their audience to ‘love one another’, ‘turn the other cheek’, ‘treat all of creation as God’s creations and therefore holy’? It occurred to me that if Christian ministers really taught and practiced love, there could be almost no discrimination, racial profiling, sex trafficking, hunger, homeless/houselessness. There would be so much less poverty because like Jesus, we would be feeding and clothing and housing each other, without the need for you to believe in my philosophy or religion or spiritual way of living. It would be that way because each person would be living their own truth and supporting each other to live theirs. I mean that makes sense , since all that was created was named ‘good’.

This is on my mind because in the USA, Christians are ending their holy week. The ultimate focus and gain is the crucifixion of the old way and the resurrection into a new life. Yet, where along the way and throughout the year has the religious or spiritual leader consistently instructed on self love, beloved community, no child left behind, no poverty… you get my point. Where has any spiritual leader consistently guided their students/congregants/parishioners to live from, not practice, but live from their inner guidance and follow the love energy that lives within them and all around them? It just seems to me it would be difficult for people so instructed by their leaders and teachers to keep buying and using guns to kill others, or destroy farmland or forest land for a house that is excessive in size and minimally used? What people would work to the exclusion of their family or community in order to have more? More what?

Anyway, I am reminded that I have, I Am the Divine Energy of Creation and I am responsible and capable of living that truth. This is the case for all of Prime Creator’s Creations. I am working daily to keep my divine energy and purpose its use for the greater good of all. How about you?

Peace & Blessings,


Divine Order

Greetings and Welcome!

Just to refresh your mind and for any new readers, I write these based on sticky notes or memos or envelopes that I have written some thought or feeling about at any point in time in these past years. I then give my present day insight on what was an epiphany from before. I’m finding this to be quite enlightening and enjoyable. Just seeing myself and my growth or expansion of perspective is affirming and fun. I hope you get something from this as well. So here we go!


“Divine Order is not for your comfort or your pleasure. Its not even for your understanding, approval or acceptance. Divine Order requires our surrender and our wisdom. Wisdom leads to understanding and spiritual understanding supports your development. Divine Order as an affirmation is spoken to bring alignment and atonement; at-one-ment”.

Chaos then Order. Order is the first law of the universe/multiverse. Sometimes learning and then discerning the order of things takes more time than imagined but the chaos of all possibilities and potentialities must come into an order in order to take form and become available for use. This past month I was affirming 6 statements in increasing order daily to support the growth of my consciousness. My first affirmation was ‘I surrender to Divine Will and manifest Divine Order in all my affairs.’ Everyday as I made this statement I would feel something inside. My mind and my body would have some response or reaction to this statement. Sometimes subtle, sometimes more pronounced. The times I remember the best are when I would meet resistance; when I would momentarily forget what my affirmation was. This was like my self pushing back on my self. During this time I had an interesting realization. I was in a restorative Yoga class and I felt me fighting with myself. I was fighting with me to do every pose ‘correctly’ and to hold it longer than anyone in the class. I recognized how I was pulling and pushing myself out of Divine Order for myself. Wow! In a Yoga class! I guess I’m glad some mindfulness prevailed. Along with this came the recognition that it is easy to say Divine Order when things or events are working in a way that pleases or benefits me/us. But what about the unpleasant, the unplanned, the chaotic or disruptive event or activity. Do I/we see or feel its Divine Order?

Yesterday was a day of self doubt and self flagellation. I imagine these times as when I have taken a cat-of-nine-tails and flailed myself for some perceived failure, lack or laziness. Today I recognized that not only was that activity misplaced it was incorrect. Everything is still in Divine Order and I am moving in a way that benefits me and my community. What a difference a day makes, along with some support from friends who see things differently and some sleep and prayer and meditation. I also included a New Moon bath. All of this to say, remember to take a breath, give yourself some grace and seek some time with the natural frequencies and entities. As someone said a long time ago, all things are working together for your good.

Peace & Blessings

North Node Stuff

Well, I shared with you that I would use things I had previously written on memo pads or post-it notes or even notebook pages over many years as the basis for my posts. My purpose is to record my thoughts and musings on any number of subjects but they all would be under the over-arching canopy of personal development and spiritual growth and awareness. I didn’t list it in my about section but I am ABD for an EdD in Pastoral Counseling.

In 2008 I was feeling anxious about my life and feeling unfulfilled and bored. I had studied and taken classes at ‘The Village’, the Association of Unity Churches headquarters while also studying within my home church or center as it was called. I wondered in what direction should I grow myself. Ministry, teaching, counseling? No clear answer presented itself. When I discovered the Pastoral Counseling program I felt that this was a great fit for my vision of a retreat center. I knew that I wanted to support people to live the life they wanted and I knew that changing your beliefs and perspectives required a safe place. Fast forward through many spiritual experiences, I was reminded that I enjoyed the perspectives of many disciplines to give me direction or support my next steps. Hence some background on this next entry.

7/12/2022 North Node Stuff

In case you don’t know this is an astrological placement and I had been avoiding it for about 4 years. Here are the questions that presented themselves.

  • 1. What are my visions and goals for my future?
  • 2. What am I working/moving toward?
  • 3. What goals will expand me personally?
  • 4. How am I paying attention to myself? Giving myself credit for the improvements I’ve made and am making?
  • 5. Am I taking full responsibility for myself? My life?
  • 6. What will truly fulfill my heart and soul?

Well, I realized that I have made some progress and improvements personally. I give myself credit for the improvements I’ve made in beliefs and behaviors. I still have work to do with my self esteem and self value. I am taking more honest responsibility for myself and really catching myself when I’m playing victim. That’s always a bit unpleasant. The business of personal goals and what I’m moving toward seems to be a moving target but there are times I feel closer and more confident I am moving in the direction of my souls’ desire and vision. What I do realize is that what truly fills my heart and soul are loving relationships with my sons and family members and friends and making music and creating and being surrounded by beauty.

I hope these questions can be useful for you as you continue to discover what makes life and living good for you.

Peace & Blessings,


What a Beginning!

I shared that I would be using things I have written before on the many different post-it notes, etc… to begin many of my conversations. Well today’s note comes from 3/24/2022. I had to look at it twice because I was confused. We haven’t gotten there yet. I know I have strange dreams but I couldn’t be writing this from my future, could I? Nope, not so lucky.

Here goes: ” Today as I write this I am receiving my first conscious clear insight into my learned conditioned feeling and perception of my inferiority. I perceive and feel as though any and ever one is better or superior to me. This is sobering and difficult. It makes sense that I feel angry all the time. It makes sense that I create or allow the obstacles that appear before me every time I begin to grow into my True Self. It’s enlightening that at many levels, no matter what is said to me, or what I accomplish, I feel that ‘it doesn’t matter’, because some one else is still better at it than me. Sister, brother, son, friend. Even enemies. This is debilitating and the cancer in my life. How do I remove this soul consuming disease? This self destroying, self replicating virus, infection? This cure is necessary for my survival and prosperity.”

Wow… just reading and typing this out without edit is mind-blowing. First of all, I called this mental parasite, this state of mental disease a cancer in my life. In June 2022 I received a diagnosis of a breast cancer! I was telling myself, warning myself, about this disease within and I am just now seeing this. I wrote this to myself, about myself. You know what? Talk to yourself and listen attentively because your words are informing both you and your body. As within, so without. If you are not talking and listening to your self, the only other expert in the Cosmos on you, you are creating an unnecessary obstacle to be overcome. Wow. This happened in real time folks. I’m still reeling from my own words.

Here I am/ we are almost a year later and there have been significant changes in small ways for me. My diet and eating habits have changed. I removed sugar in every form I could from my diet. I worked with a Theta Healer to address my beliefs about myself and my worthiness. And I started listening to some very different teachers. Doctah B Sirius, Dr. Phil Valentine, Rod Hayes, and Billy Carson to name a few. This is how spirit works though. Quiet and behind the scenes. Take some time to talk to your self; ask your self the questions you are having trouble with and then listen and read between the lines for an answer.

Thanks for listening and sharing.


First blog post

After almost 6 years of paying for this platform, I am finally ready to use it, I think. I have often been overwhelmed with all sorts of creative ideas and projects. And then I wear myself out, overwhelm myself with possibilities and succumb to fear and perfectionism. So in essence, I get nothing on paper and no forward motion. And no one gets to join me in this adventure on Planet Earth. In many ways I will be sharing with you ‘the world according to Philana’ or maybe more correctly it is “Philana’s Adventures on Earth”.

My experience with writing and talking is complex, yet simple. I’d rather talk than write. But I also write down things that come to me as it relates to my life and experiences as well as prose and even a short story or two. My focus and topics are always related to personal development and spiritual growth. My friend Octavia has told me for over 30 years that it doesn’t matter how many people are talking about these same topics, my approach, insights and suggestions are valuable and needed. So starting today and for the next year I plan to share my thoughts and experiences that will span those many years. I’ll be learning as I go how to best use this platform and others that are making themselves known to me. I will be sharing thoughts written on slips of paper that need to be placed in a more permanent home. And I will reflect on these thoughts from the past from my current point of view. I’ll ask questions and wax philosophical because I really love to teach, learn, grow and have adventures.