SoulSpeak

Do I want to Know or Do I want to Learn?

Today while at Equine Therapy(shout out to Coyote Hill and the Turman VA), I was moving through the routine I had been shown the past 2 weeks. We are on week 3 and the experienced horseperson and wise woman, Ms Brenda, was waiting on and observing me put on the saddle. Now, I’m pretty new to horses and I knew nothing about the correct grooming or riding of a horse. My experience is basically trail riding with school field trips. So you know how long ago that was. Anyway as I was missing steps in the securing of the saddle, I heard myself say, ‘Oh yeah, I know’. As soon as I really heard myself I said to Ms Brenda, ‘I apologize, cause I don’t know’. I then reflected on the fact was I wanted and needed to learn how but my conditioned mind, trying to prove myself to, I don’t know who, I told Ms Brenda, ‘well maybe I need to learn so I can know’.

Wow.

In that moment I accepted the facts. I allowed myself the opportunity to learn, accepting the fact that 2 1/2 weeks did not add up to I know.

How much stress we cause ourselves and others, both young and mature, by trying to know something before we have learned something. The women that support us at Coyote Hill know horses and the business of horses, training and riding. My comments of knowing is really comical. Yet as I continue to reflect on this, I see behind my facade and watch myself trying to control and manage situations I have no experience with. I limit my ability to be present, benefit from instruction and grow in wisdom.

As my day progressed and I was receiving instructions on the use of Canva from my friend Pam Roe, I remembered the earlier encounters. I received instruction with openness and humility. Yes, my need to appear in charge and always knowledgeable, was also limiting my growth opportuniites. In order to expand, I must become like a child, joyfully learning new things. Life is pretty cool when I stop trying to be better than I am right now. So I ask the question to myself more frequently, as I listen to what I’m getting ready to say. Do I want to learn or do I want to know?

Because at some level having to know is just a setup for losing or failure. There’s always someone who know more than me or knows about stuff I didn’t even know existed. And quietly the mental sabotage and dis-ease begins. So again I ask myself… Do I want to know or do I want to learn?

Be peaceful.